Are You An Armenian?

Take this self scoring test and find out!
Give yourself one point for each "yes" you give to the following statements:

1. You have at least one Persian rug or crocheted tablecloth.
2. You frequently use expressions like "oaf, eeh, and eyaah."
3. You talk with your hands when you're on the phone.
4. You have at least one inlaid tavli board in your closet.
5. You have philo dough, string cheese or See's candy in your freezer.
6. You think Fresno is the capital of California.
7. You get five o'clock shadow at two-thirty. (men)
8. You serve hummus and tabbouleh with your taco chips.
9. You don't buy anything unless you can get it for at least 50%off.
10. You have at least one fruit tree and a patch of cilantro growing in your back yard.
11. You save string and toothpicks from restaurants.
12. You think a "chinook" is a shelf to display your teapots.
13. You have a crock of clarified butter under your sink.
14. You have a picture of Mt. Ararat hanging in your garage.
15. You have a jar of tuttu in your refrigerator or a box of Uncle Ben's converted rice in your pantry.
16. You think the Star Trek Kardasians are an ancient Armeniantribe.
17. You shovel food on other people's plates when they aren'tlooking
18. You think pilaf is one of the four food groups.

Super bonus points:
1. Add two points if you've ever told anyone that former California Governor George Deukmejian was a relative.
2. Add two points if you have a video tape of old "Mannix" reruns.
3. Add five points if you have a recording of Charles Aznavour.

Interpreting your score:
0-5 points: Let's face it, you're not an Armenian.
6-10 points: You probably know a lot of Armenians or are married to one.
11-15 points: Chances are extremely high that you're Armenian.
15-20 or more: There's no doubt about it, you'll never fool anyone.You're probably planning a trip to the old country right now.

You know your armenian when...

1. You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those bows) next year.

2. You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.

3. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.

4. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.

5. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.

6. You have never used your dishwasher.

7. You eat all meals in the kitchen.

8. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.

9. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.

10. You always leave your shoes at the door.

11. You have a piano in your living room.

12. You play a musical instrument.

13. You pick your teeth at the dinner table (but you cover your mouth).

14. You twirl your pen around your fingers.

15. You hate to waste food.... a. Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them. b. You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.

16. You don't own any real Tupperware-only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.

17. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.

18. The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or come in plastic packets, which you save/steal every time you get take
out or go to McDonald's.

19. Ditto for paper napkins.

20. You never order room service.

21. You own a rice cooker.

22. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.

23. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or law.

24. When you go to a dance party, there are a wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.

25. You live with your parents and you are 30 years old (and they prefer it that way). Or if you're married and 30 years old, you live in The apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the same neighborhood.

26. Your parents' house is always cold.

27. Your mom drives her Mercedes to the Price Club.

28. You only make long distance calls after 11 PM.

29. You always cook too much.

30. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.

31. You e-mail your friends at work, even though you are only 10 feet apart.

32. Your parents send money to their relatives in ARMENIA.

33. You're always late.

34. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.

35. You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or

36. You never discuss your love life with your parents.

37. Your parents are never happy with your grades.

38. You save your old Coke bottle glasses even though you're never going to use them again.

39. You keep used batteries.

40. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.

41. Your relatives either work in medicine or real estate.
Types of armenians


- IF your rims cost more than your house
- If you wear Lofers
- If your welfare check is bigger than your car payments
- If You wear 4 or 5 stripe adidas or Badidas
- If you have one eyebrow
- If you think you're in some Armenian Mafia
- If you think everyone's name is "Ara"
- If your armpits smell like basterma
- if your beamer's liscense plate says Davo em apeh
- If you have an illegal cell phone from North Hollywood
- If what you're reading is on a stolen/bought or at good guys computer
- If you playa hate Beirutsis and Barskahyes

- if you have a special way of pronouncing R when speaking Armenian
- if your last name ends w/ "IAN"
- if you go to Shiraz regularly
- if your name or your cousin's is ARTIN or ARBI or NARBEH
- If your favirote word is "HEIR" (meaning why)
- If you CALL what you do Break Dancing
- If you pluck your eyebrows or shave your legs
- If you go to Ararat parties and call them Raves
- if you wear blue contacts
- if you go "bareeeeeeeeeeev, mamen baben inchbeseeeeeeeeeeeeeeen?"

- You go to Teen Dances every week
- You're in AYF
- if you always go "yallah"
- if you think that you're the best in everything
- if your name is panos, sako, george, puzant, garo, rita, sevag, jirayr, anto...or anything else as of that.
- if every sentence you say, you end with "AGA, SHAKHS, or LAN"
- YOU Become a mechanic in the future after being in law school
- if you have a computer just for Solitaire
- if you have more oil in your hair than you have in your car
- if you won't date a guy without a car or money
- if you're very very very tight with money $
- if your parents want you home before 6am
- if your parents are DEGENERATE gamblers
- if you call your Peachfuzz A Goatee
- if your dad owns a Panose's Bakery, haha
- If you work at Gap, Millers Outpost, or some "cool" store
- if you buy your clothes from abercrombie or you know , that kinda stuff
- if you have an ararad masis picture in your TV room
- if you have one of those William Saroyan posters
- if your dad thinks "oghi for life"
- if you have "dolma" on a weekly basis
- if you like giving only GOLD stuff as gifts

you might be armenian if...

You think that the Armenians invented everything.

You can pronounce "gh" and "kh" and are proud of it.

You believe that the most important people in history must have Armenian blood in them.

At meetings, you MUST state your opinion, even if it is EXACTLY the same as someone else's who just spoke.

You were overjoyed when you learned that Principal Skinner was Armenian.

You are over 30, male, and still living at home.

Your sweat smells like garlic or basterma.

Your make up rhyming words that start with the letter "M" like"oosh, moosh" or "duhkegh, muhkegh."

You know the meaning of "shesh besh."

Someone in your family sells carpets or jewllery.

Your father is an import-export contractor, or you don't know what he does.

Mousa Dagh
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Mousaler Association of California